Bloopers!
by Ichiko Wind Gryphon
Summary: Just what the title indicates! Random and hilarious screw-ups from scenes in my own fanfictions! XD Please, don't ask. I was tired.
1. Chapter 1

**Ohhh, I don't even know what to say :D I had way too much fun with this. I had to do it, it was too irresistable. All the woulda-coulda-shouldas in one place! Enjoy! Send me any requests if you have any funny ideas!**

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**The Wizard of Oz 1939 Movie:**

"Follow the Yellow Brick Road . . . Follow the--" Dorothy stopped, coming across a fork. Or more like, three of them. "Follow the . . .? Now which way do we go?" she muttered to herself worriedly.

"Pardon me, but this way looks like a very nice way to get to the Emerald City!" a voice said suddenly. Dorothy jumped, turning around in her spot. The only thing she could see, however, was a scarecrow hanging in the cornfield, pointing to the right.

"Who said that?" Dorothy called out.

"Actually, I think the Emerald City is that way!!" the voice said again. Dorothy spun around, and looked back at the scarecrow. But now, he was pointing to the left!

"That's funny, wasn't he pointing the other way?" she said to Toto.

"No, wait, I remember! It's thit way!!" Dorothy turned in time to see the scarecrow cross his arms over his chest, pointing both directions.

Dorothy's jaw dropped. "ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?!"

**Dangerous Secrets: Chapter 1**

As I was pulling the bucket back up, the wind suddenly began to pick up, and the blue skies instantly turned into dark looming thunderheads. I never could have imagined a storm could form so fast, but then again I was in a land where people travel by bubbles and magic was commonplace.

I grabbed the bucket of water and ran to the safety of Boq's small home, but something stopped me.

IT WAS ANOTHER TWISTER!!!

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" I screamed. The twister picked me up and spun me round and round until it threw me half-way across the world and I fell to the ground. I let out a loud _off!_ as I hit the grassy earth hard. I rubbed my head, moaning in pain. At least I was alive. Thank god.

I saw a girl about my age run up to me. "Liek, oh mah gawd, you just, like, fell out of the sky!" she said in a very stupid blond voice, despite the fact she was brunette.

I rubbed my head, glaring at her angrily. "Yep, that tends to happen to me quite a bit."

"My name's like, Bella, and I'm like, a super pretty awesome special snowflake!" the girl said again. I stared at her. Oh my god, her stupidity was infectious. I might go insane if I stayed around her too long.

"You're name is . . . Bella?" I repeated.

"Like, totally!" she squealed. "Eddy-kins! Where are you, my sweet tender muffin?!"

Oh my god, I think I was just blasted to hell.

A tall bronze-haired guy in desperate need of a haircut stepped out of the bushes. " 'Sup?" he said boringly. "I'm Edward. I'm a vampire."

I stared at him long and hard. "Um, idiot, it's _daylight_. If you were a vampire, you'd be dead."

He shrugged. "Not me. When I'm in the sun, I sparkle."

Then it hit me. Oh crap. I'm in Forks.

Jesus Christ, I _**WAS**_ in hell!

_**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

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**Dangerous Secrets: Chapter 2**

"BOO!"

I screamed uncontrollably and fell to the ground. Holy crap! Did that scarecrow just talk?!

The scarecrow grinned as he looked down at me and laughed loudly. "Did I scare ya?" he said.

I just stared at him wide-eyed. I thought I had seen it all. Apparently not.

"I'll take that as a yes! Score! I may not be able to scare any crows, but I guess I'm pretty good at scaring people!"

I stood up and brushed the dust off my jeans. "I hate to burst your bubble, but you are not scary," I said, folding my arms.

"Then why did you scream really loud and fall on the ground?" he said with the same huge grin.

"Because I've never seen a talking scarecrow before! You just startled me is all."

"Oh, really?" he said, raising an eyebrow. "Well, I really should apologize. I didn't mean to scare you that badly."

"You _didn't_ scare me," I muttered to myself.

"Do you think you can help me get off this pole? You see, it's rather uncomfortable hanging around all day with a wooden stick shoved up your ass." he pleaded.

I looked up at him. First he startles the crap out of me, and now he wants me to help him get down?!

"I don't think so," I said angrily. I then turned on my heel and continued walking down the road.

"Hey! Get back here you stupid girl! GET ME DOWN!"

"Nope," I said, and kept on walking.

"BITCH!!!"

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**Dangerous Secrets Chapter 6:**

"Dorothy!! Dorothy, wake up!!"

Something cold was pressed against my shoulder and was shaking me. Still groggy with sleep, I pushed it off and rolled over.

"Five mo' minutes," I said tiredly.

"DOROTHY!"

My eyes instantly snapped open. Tin Man was leaning over me, one hand on my shoulder, shaking me in attempt to wake me. He was worried and scared, that much I could tell, even in the darkness. Something in his voice greatly troubled me.

"What is it?" I said, sitting up, now instantly alert.

"Something's wrong with Scarecrow!"

I jumped to my feet and Tin Man did likewise. We quickly ran to Lion's side, who was badly shaken.

"Lion, tell Dorothy what happened!" Tin Man said urgently.

Lion was trembling all over, and his voice was quiet and fearful. "I was finally able to fall asleep for the first time in months. But then, a moaning sound woke me up! It was Scarecrow!! He was--he was--!!" He collapsed in a nervous wreck, and started to cry.

"He was what?! What is it?!" I asked fearfully.

"He started saying 'Oh my sweet angel, I know you like it hard and fast like that!' " Lion weeped.

My jaw hit the ground.

Tin Man sighed angrily. "You woke us up because Scarecrow's having a sex dream?!"

"Oh, you're _soooo_ good," we all heard Scarecrow moan. I inched away very slowly from him.

"I'm never sleeping near him as long as I live," Lion whimpered.

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**Dangerous Secrets Chapter 15:**

As the door opened, and Fiyero stepped over the threshold, the answer came to her, even before she saw his face.

_The Scarecrow!!_

Time froze as she looked at him. She backed away from him, pinning herself against the far wall as she looked with horror at her lover. Fiyero, her beloved Fiyero, was a scarecrow! The same scarecrow that tried to kill her!

He hesitated at the door, a small smile on his face, but obviously uneasy and afraid.

"Elphaba," he said quietly. "I'm here."

She couldn't breathe. She couldn't move. _How could this be?! This isn't possible!! NO! How could Fiyero do such a thing?!_

Fiyero took a hesitant step towards her, and Elphaba tried to get further away from him, scuttling around the room, hugging the wall for dear life.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, his smile fading. "When you saved my life, I lost all my memories. I had no idea." His face was covered with the most saddened expression she had ever seen on anyone's face. Her heart began to break. "Elphaba, please forgive me! I didn't know who you were! Who _I_ was!"

She listened to him, but she could hardly comprehend what he was saying. He had forgotten everything? This was the price he had to pay for her saving his life? He was forced to live in an inanimate body, unable to taste, smell, or touch? And he still loved her? How could anyone love her after all she's done? No, this had to be a trick! It couldn't be true!

"Go away," she said in a hushed voice. "You can't love me! Not after all I've done! GO AWAY!! Thanks to me, we'll never be able to make beatiful, hot, sexy love!!!"

Fiyero looked down at himself, his face falling. "God _damn_ it. You're right. Son of a bitch. I _told_ you we should have done it while we were in the forest!!"

"Like I wanted to get ticks up where the sun don't shine!" she said bitterly.

"But wait, I have an idea!" Fiyero said.

5 SECONDS LATER:

"What's wrong?" Fiyero asked.

"SPLINTERS!!!!" Elhaba shrieked.

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**TFTCUA Chapter 2:**

We continued to eat and talk, just like always, for about an hour, slowly cutting away at our meals and savoring everything. Finally, with our plates empty and our stomachs full, Hunk took away the dishes, but had me stay at the table for a moment longer. For the first time, he looked anxious and jittery, a strange mix of excitement and nervousness.

"Hunk, what's wrong?" I asked.

He sat down across from me and took my hands into his.

"Dorothy," he said, a slight waver in his voice. "We've known each other for years and years now, and we've become great friends, but I want something more. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love and admire you. You are my world to me, and I would have nothing without you. Dorothy?"

"Yes?" I asked, getting a little nervous myself.

"I want-"

**_THUNK._**

I jumped out of my seat. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, what was that?!"

Hunk ran to the window, opening it and looking out the window. "Oh, some big old stupid bird flew into the window," he said, shrugging.

"Is it ok?"

"I think it's dead," he said emotionlessly.

"Oh," I said.

He shut the window. "Ah yes, where were we?"

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**TFTCUA Chapter 2:**

"Askamen tuma lame tante kutanta luria!"

I felt the floor drop below my feet and I felt myself start to fall. Everything became pitch black, and the world around me started to spin. I closed my eyes and the wind rushed past my ears, deafening me. I held on as tight as I could to Hunk's hand, and his grasp was threatening to tear my arm off, but still I clung to him for dear life. The Hawk also clung to my arm like a clamp, and somehow its talons managed to not shred my arm to pieces. All of the sudden, my body collided against something semi-soft, and I was left gasping for air. I slowly opened one eye, and saw a bright blue sky scattered with small wispy clouds. I was laying on my back on a field of long, dried-up grass. I rolled over to see Hunk lying next to me, groaning, apparently got the wind knocked out of him. The Hawk seemed fine.

The Hawk looked around. "Funny, this place doesn't look familiar . . ."

A Lion suddenly stepped out of the brush. I stared at it. "Lion? Osio?" I asked hesitantly.

"What, no, I'm Simba! Welcome to Pride Rock!" he said.

"Oh, _shit, not again!_" I moaned.

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Hunk asked.

"Never mind," I growled, remembering all too well my little run-in with that Mary-Sue all the way at the beginning of this story.

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**TFTCUA Chater 20:**

I wasn't with them, though. I was alone in the room with Hunk, holding him, clutching to the only thing I had left from my old life. He was the only thing that ever meant something to me, and now, he had been taken from me. I cried for a good long time, weeping out my anguish and pain. When they had returned, I could hardly bring myself to let him go so they may prepare his body for a proper funeral. We placed him on the bed and Elphaba gently draped a pure white sheet over his body. Glinda chanted a spell that would keep his body perfectly preserved until we buried him. Elphaba then transformed the bed into a stretcher and Fiyero and Boq grabbed it to carry his body away. Dozens of Animals watched outside as Fiyero and Boq carry Hunk to a separate wing. Each one bowed with respect, and each of them whispered a prayer for protection and safety. Some Animals attempted to comfort me, but I no longer cared enough to listen. Numb, I followed them into the medical chamber where they would place his body.

The room was empty of patients, but beds lined both walls and cabinets and shelves of medical equipment filled the room. Fiyero and Boq placed him on the farthest bed, and we crowded around him to pay our respects. I was still numb with pain and grief, tears continued to fall from my eyes, and I did not bother to wipe them away. Glinda embraced me, trying to console me, as she too wept with grief. Elphaba was saying something that sounded like a prayer or a song, but I couldn't force myself to listen to her. My mind couldn't comprehend what was going on around me. I only cared about Hunk. He was the only thing that mattered to me now.

Suddenly, Hunk sat straight up, throwing off the white cloth that had covered his body.

"SURPRISE!! JUST KIDDING!" he laughed.

I jumed at him, strangling him. "WHAT KIND OF SICK SON OF A BITCH ARE YOU?! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!! HOW DARE YOU PULL THAT PRANK ON US YOU STUPID BASTARD!!! GODDAMN IT!! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!?!?!? THAT'S NOT FUCKING FUNNY YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE D:"

Elphaba and Fiyero backed away very slowly.

"Should we . . . stop her before she really does kill him?" Fiyero muttered, noticing Hunk's blue face.

"Be my guest," Elphaba said.

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**TFTCUA Chapter 30:**

"What's done is done, and now the only thing we can do now is protect our grandchild."

It was only then that Nessarose fully understood who she was now. She was an aunt now. She drifted over to her nephew, Chiron, down at his cute litle figure, so perfect. He et out a soft moan, and opened his beautiful green eyes. He looked up at Nessa and smiled.

"Don't you worry little one," she said. "Aunt Nessie will make sure nothing bad will happen to you."

Hunk came to her side, also looking down at Chiron. "Your godmother is my best and closest friend, and since I am her guardian angel, I will be yours too. Remember this, Chiron, I will always be with you and protect you. I do not know what lies in your future, but I promise I will be with you through the times of trial and peace."

"We will all be with you, little one," Melena said.

"Yeah," Hunk sighed. "Too bad he's going to end up turning into some sort of freak gryphon-man hybrid and be nearly killed a bajillion times. Not to mention being shunned, disgraced, and publically humiliated."

Em face-palmed. "Oh, Anthony, you have a _wonderful_ way of making a situation so _happy_." she muttered sarcastically.

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**Sing the Bells: Chapter 10:**

But the truth was staring at him right in the face. Elphaba and Fiyero were locked in a passionate kiss, so full of love and tenderness. A tenderness Boq could never feel, or return. Boq could never be the man Fiyero was. Not like this. Not while he was trapped in this metal prison that was his tin body.

They broke their kiss, and Fiyero settled back against his make-shift pillow, slipping into a deep slumber. Elphaba brushed away his hair from his face, her face covered in the hppiest smile, her eyes gazing lovingly at the sleeping man before him.

Elphaba loved Fiyero. It was impossible to ignore any longer.

Boq stormed up to Fiyero, grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up to eye-level. "BACK OFF MAH WOMAN, BITCH!" he yelled, and punched him in the face.

**

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Sing the Bells Chapter 13:

Boq climbed to the balcony of the cathedral between the two towers and raised the unconscious Elphaba above his head.

"SANCTUARY!" he cried. The crowds roared in response. "SANCTUARY! _SANCTUARY!!"_

A hunched over figure suddenly appeared at his side. "Who the hell are you?!" the man said.

Boq stared down at the misshapen hunchback. "Um . . . I'm Boq. I'm the main character in this story . . ."

"No you're not! This is my story! I'm the main character! Me and Esmarelda! GTFO!" Quasimodo said, Sparta-kicking Boq over the balcony, where the two of them plummeted to their deaths.

Phoebus stared down at them. "Jee, violent much?"

"They stole my Oscar moment," Quasimodo growled angrily.

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**Sing the Bells Chapter 2:**

Boq did not need to sleep, being a machine, so he spent his nights watching the sunsets. He leaned on the balcony railing, standing next to two of the incredibly life-sized and realistic gargoyles. The sun sank below the horizon, plummetting the world into darkness.

Suddenly, six of the gargoyles began to crack, the cracks spreading all across their bodies until they seemed to explode in a firework of flying chunks of rock. Boq stumbled backwards, completely caught off guard.

"HOLY CRAP!" he screamed.

Right where the six stone statues had once been, there were now six living, breathing gargoyles! Boq stared at them in total awe. The biggest of them, a purple-covered and extremely muscular male, turned to him, and began to talk.

"One thousand years ago, superstition and the sword ruled! It was a time of darkness! It was a world of fear! It was the age of gargoyles! Stone by day, warriors by night! We were betrayed by the humans we had sworn to protect! Frozen in stone by a magic spell for a thousand years! Now, here in Notre Dame, the spell is broken, and we live again!!!"

Boq just stared at them. "HOLY CRAP!!!" he said again.

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**Cursed Blood Chapter 7:**

"Chiron, stop!!" she begged. "Please don't do this! I'm sorry! It's my fault! I know you're angry, but please don't hurt me!" Chiron paused, still furious and enraged, but did not strike her. "This isn't you!" she continued. "The Chiron I know is sweet and gentle. He's kind and caring! This isn't you! You're not a monster!"

Chiron's eyes softened, and he let go of her, and Panatia fell to the ground, coughing and rubbing her throat. She looked up at Chiron, hoping he was alright. His hands were shaking and his head was lowered in shame. He pounded his fist against a nearby tree and fell to his knees, crying. Panatia slowly walked up next to him and ran her hand down his back, covered in thick black feathers. He shuddered and turned away from her.

"You're wrong about one thing, Panatia," he said quietly. "I am a monster." He rose to his feet, and spread his wings out to their full length. "I'm a goddamed monster!" he cried, and with a powerful beat of his wings, he took off into the sky.

He then abruptly crashed head-on into a tree and crumpled to the ground.

Panatia ran to his side. "Sweet Lurline, are you ok?!" she asked.

"Fuck you," he growled.

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**Cursed Blood Chapter 26:**

Anadius was incredibly grateful for Dorothy's help. Her world was much more advanced technologically, and she was able to assist Anadius in understanding what exactly she was seeing. She labeled and identified the different components of the blood before placed it in an ultracentrifuge to seperate the elements. Dorothy took a sample of the plasma and examined it under the microscope.

"Ok, the test tubes are in the ultra centrifuge," Anadius said.

Dorothy sighed. "Ok."

"So how long are these tests going to take, again?" she asked.

"A few hours," Dorothy muttered.

"That long? Bummer." Anadius said, leaning agaist a table and folding her arms over her chest. Dorothy and Anadius stood in silence for a while, until Dorothy thought of a marvelous plan.

"Hey Anadius," Dorothy said mischeviously.

"Uh, yeah?" she said.

"Do you know what happens when you mix pure potassium and water?" Dorothy said, grinning evilly.

"No, what happens?" Anadius asked curiously.

--

Chiron and Panatia were halfway across the Palace, reading mountains of spell books, when suddenly there was a gigantic **_BOOOOOOOM!_**

"What the hell was that?!" Panatia cried.

--

Anadius stared at the beaker in a crazed state of frenzy. The table was charred beyond reckognition, the beaker of water was smoking, and the hem of her dress was on fire.

"OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO COOL!" Anadius squealed like a teenager.

"LET'S DO IT AGAIN!" Dororthy yelled, holding another large square of pure potassium above the beaker.

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**Cursed Blood Chapter 50:**

"Panatia, please, tell me, whatever it is, I can fix it! Just tell me what's wrong, and I'll make it better, I swear!" Chiron pleaded, taking her hands. "Please, tell me, why are you sick?"

Panatia looked into his eyes with her big beautiful blue-grey eyes and gave him the most heart-broken expression he had ever seen. Tears of absolute sorrow formed in her eyes as she leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Chiron, I have cancer."

**_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, guys, I'm back again with some more bloopers! I need some good humor in my life, so here you go! More hilarious and stupid outtakes! REview and tell me which one was your favorite! And feel free to suggest any other bloopers you'd like to see!

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Cursed Blood: Chapter 4

So he sat on the invisible floor with his legs crossed beneath him, and waited patiently.

He didn't have to wait long.

_"When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle, and yet I'm torn apart,"_ a husky, whispery voice sang slowly. Fiyero immediately jumped to his feet and looked around, but saw nothing. He closed his eyes and listened, hoping to hear the voice again. But that voice, it was so familiar, and so haunting. It made Fiyero shudder just listening to it.

_"Just because I'm presumin' that I could be kind of human, If I only had heart."_

Then, that laugh came again. Insane, blood curdling, cold, terrifying. Fiyero started to panic and looked around him, trying to find the source, but the voice seemed to be coming from everywhere. Fiyero clenched his fists.

"WRONG SONG, MORON!" Fiyero yelled out into the darkness.

A long silence ensued.

_"DAMMIT!"_ the mysterious voice screamed.

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**Cursed Blood: Chapter 15**

She screamed and jumped away from him. Chiron looked up at her with concern . . . _and his face! _Completely normal, back in its original form, no beak, no feathers, no cone-shaped ears! Panatia started laughing and crying all at the same time. He was completely human again!

"Pan, what's wrong? What-" He reached out to her and stared at his hand-no longer a scaly paw, but a normal hand! He stared down at himself in disbelief at his completely human body. He glanced over his shoulders and twisted around in circles. No wings, no tail, no talons, no feathers, no fur! He reached up and touched his face hesitantly. He slid his hands across his face and through his messy black hair. He then turned around and gave Panatia the biggest grin she'd ever seen.

"PAN!" he cried in estasy, running up to her and giving her a bone-breaking hug. Panatia laughed loudly, wiping the tears from her eyes as Chiron picked her up off her feet and spun her around in circles. He put her down and kissed her passionately on the lips. He then kissed her all across her face, all the time praising the Unnamed God. Panatia was stunned for a moment, then began to furiously blush. Chiron gripped her tightly again.

And then Panatia looked down. And shrieked.

Chiron stood there, completely emotionless. "I'm like, completely naked, aren't I?" he said uneasily.

"It's . . . _huge_ . . ."

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**Cursed Blood: Chapter 10**

Chiron woke suddenly. He looked around, panicked, and found that he was still in a jail cell, although now he wasn't shackled to the floor. He slowly rose to his feet, careful that he kept to all fours, and slowly walked to the iron bars. He glanced up and down the empty hallways, nothing but a table with a television perched on top of it, and a lamp. A few dull lightbulbs lit the place, occassionaly flickering on and off. There was only one door, which was to his left and made of metal. The place was old and dusty, but not dirty or unkept. Cracks scoured the walls, and his own cell had no windows, but was fairly large, large enough that he could spread his wings to ther full length, and the tips barely touched the opposite walls. He started pacing around his cell, stretching his legs . . . all four of them.

It was only then he noticed his tail was the only thing that was chained up to the wall.

Chiron tried to pry his tail loose of the shackles that held it, but he soon realized the shackles had screws embedded straight into his flesh! He couldn't pry his tail free! Chiron screeched in pain and frustration.

Suddenly the television flickered on, revealing a grainy image of a very creepy marionette puppet with red eyes, a white face, and black hair.

_"Hello, Chiron,"_ it said in a hoarse voice. Chiron's blood froze. _"I would like to play a game."_

Chiron stared in horror at the television. "Wait . . . what did you just call me?" he said, perplexed.

_"I know it is you, Chiron,"_ the creepy puppet said.

"Chiron, as in the 'prince of Oz' Chiron?!" he said skeptically. "Um, hey, idiot, I am the wrong freaking _species_! I would understand your little screw-up if you imprisoned a human that looked remarkably similar to the prince, but this is inexcusable. I mean, hel_-lo_, I'm a _gryphon_. I have fathers! I have fur! I have wings! What the hell could possibly possess you to think I was the prince?!"

_"I got an anonymous tip . . ."_ the puppet said weakly.

"Oh, well that justifies _everything_, now, doesn't it?!" Chiron said. "I think someone's jerking your string. I mean, come on! Me, the prince?! How stupid! How did you even _believe_ that in the first place?!"

_"She was very convincing . . ."_

"How do you know it was a 'she' if the tip was anonymous?!"

_"Because the tip was written to me in a note, and the handwriting was clearly feminine! And it was signed IWG which was obviously the person's initials!"_ the puppet explained in a frustrated voice.

"Wait, IWG?" Chiron said. "You mean Ichiko Wind Griffin wrote you the tip?! Ok, now you know she's completely screwing with you!"

_"But how do I know that?"_ the puppet challenged menacingly.

"Because Ichiko screws with _everyone's_ mind," Chiron explained calmly. "I mean, remember Hunk? How she just had to kill him _twice_?! This is just another one of her sick, little pranks."

_"But . . . your paws lok like human hands--"_

"Ok, you insensitive prick! So I was born with a rare birth defect! Thanks for pointing that out! As if I didn't have hundreds of other gryphons make fun of me my entire life for that!" Chiron screeched angrily.

_"And . . . the marks on your shoulder . . ."_

"So now gryphons can't get tattoos either?!" Chiron said.

_"But they look exactly like--"_

"This is only after the first session! I have five more to go! The tattoo is going to be a large elaborate pattern on my shoulders and across my back! And it's a complete coincidence that they look exactly like Prince Chiron's tattoos. But by the time I'm done, there will be no resemblance at all."

_"So . . . you're not the prince?"_

"Obviously."

_"Oh my god, I am so sorry."_

"Hey, it's ok, dude. Even the most brilliant of men get screwed over," Chiron said. "I mean, Ichiko is a pretty manipulative bitch, so I can understand how she managed to convince you I was Chiron. But how about you just let me go, and we'll call it even?"

_"Ok,"_ the puppet said, and released Chiron of his shackles.

"SUCKER!!! AHAHAHAHA!" CHiron laughed hysterically as he flew out of the building.

_"GODDAMN IT I KNEW IT!"_ Jigsaw roared.

* * *

**Cursed Blood: Chapter 49**

Elphaba smiled sheepishly as she approached the dance floor, the guests loudly applauding her. She took the mic and smiled at Chiron. He nodded, as he slipped one hand into Panatia's, and the other gently around her waist. She gripped his hand tightly and placed her hand on her shoulder, and he kissed her hand. The music started, a lone flute playing the beginning solo. Elphaba steadied her nerves, and began to sing.

_"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme-"_ she sang, but then all of the sudden, Glinda jumped up on stage.

"Oh my God, Elphie, look at her butt. It is so big! She looks like one of those rapper's girlfriends!" she said in a disgusted tone.

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE!" Boq started to sing. "YOU OTHA BROTHAS CAN'T DENY! WHEN A GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YO' FACE I GET SPRUNG!!"

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**Cursed Blood: Chapter 2**

"I find it degrading," Chiron muttered.

"And that's exactly why we're here."

"To degrade me?!"

"Exactly. You're a cocky, snobby, stuck up bastard, and I'm gonna teach you a lesson!" Fiyero said firmly. "You're probably going to be the worst kings in history!"

Chiron stared at the shovel in his hands. "Not the way I see it!" A musical number started in the background. "I'm gonna be a mighty king, so enemies beware!!"

"Well I've never seen a king or beast with quite so little hair!" Quetzal said disapprovingly out of nowhere.

"I'm gonna be the main event like no king was before! I'm brushing up, I'm looking down, I'm working on mah ROAR!" Ciron sang.

"Chiron, people don't _roar_," Fiyero muttered.

"Oh . . ." he said, clearly embarrassed.

* * *

**Cursed Blood Chapter 31**

Suddenly, he heard movement in some nearby brushes. Chiron's heightened senses immediately kicked in as he narrowed in on the sound. Crouching low on all fours, he slowly walked up to the bushes. He could distinctly pick up a rabbit's scent.

_Mmm, breakfast, _Chiron thought with a snicker. He lunged through the bushes, and leapt upon the small rabbit hiding in the foliage. His talons dug deep into its hide and he crushed its neck in his powerful beak. Chiron looked down at the rabbit, about to enjoy his breakfast,when all the sudden, he realized the rabbit looked horribly familiar . . .

"OH MY GOD!!!" Chiron screeched. "BOUND?!?! Oh my god!!! I am so sorry!! I didn't know it was you!!! Oh my god, I killed you!!" Chiron then curled up into a ball and started going emo on us all.

* * *

**Cursed Blood Chapter 31**

"BUGS BUNNY??!?!"

* * *

**Cursed Blood Chapter 31**

"The Trix celeral rabbit?!" Chiron gasped in horror.

"Thank god. That bastard wouldn't stop trying to steal our cereal!" a bunch of little kids whined.

"Then why the hell didn't you just give him any?! He would have left you alone! Selfish brats."

* * *

**Happier than You Can Ever Imagine**

A few minutes passed. Then they heard loud voices outside, a clicking key, and finally the sound of the door being opened.

The lights flicked on.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELPHABA!"the three said in unison.

Elphaba entered the room, completely shocked. Galinda was bouncing around happily behind her, beaming with joy.

"Happy birthday, Elphie!" Fiyero said with a huge smile.

"Do you like it?" Boq asked sheepishly.

"Hey, Elphaba, your skin looks a little darker. Did you go tanning or something?"

"What's all this?" Elphaba said, still stunned.

"What do you think it is, silly!" Galinda said happily. "It's a birthday party!"

"It's . . . not my birthday," she said glumly. "My birthday's three months from now."

There was dead silence.

"Well . . . happy really really really early birthday, then!" Glinda squealed. "Now let's have cake!"

"THE CAKE IS A LIEEEEEE!" Nessa rose screamed suddenly, and picked up the birthday cake and threw it out the window.

* * *

**The Mirror of Gurisa**

Boq started to grow angry at Fiyero, but his attention shifted to the mirror. The mysterious fog in the mirror appeared, and was now taking shape.

"Fiyero, look!" Boq said, pointing at the mirror.

Fiyero stopped laughing long enough to turn around and see the fog. His laughter died in his throat as he watched the mirror. The fog took shape into an older version of himself, and he was wearing a bright pink dress with lots of frills and glitter. Fiyero's jaw hit the floor.

"You actually . . . look really good in a dress," Boq marveled.

"What the hell are you, gay?!" Fiyero screeched.

Boq twisted his hands together nervously and blushed, grinning slightly. Fiyero took several steps backwards.

"You do have a sexy butt," Boq said shyly.

Fiyero ran out of the room, screaming his head off.

* * *

**If I Only Had the Nerve Chapter 2:**

"Elphaba did this to me," he said, lowering his gaze. "Nessa tried to curse me . . . I was dying . . . and she turned me into this."

"You bastard!" she screamed, punchig him as hard as she could across the face. Boq didn't even move, he just stared at Glinda in total shock. Glinda recoiled, clutching her hand close to her chest. Her entire hand was in pain, crippling, searing pain that shot all the way up her arm. Tears came to her eyes as she rubed her hand to dull the pain, but the pain remained intense and blinding.

Boq came to her side. "Let me see your hand," he said, holding out his. He took her hand and rubbed his thumbs over the back of her hand and all along her fingers. "Ok . . . you broke every single bone in your hand, you fractured your wrist, and you're probably going to die from internal bleeding."

"I really hate you," Glinda whimpered.


	3. Chapter 3

**In this chapter of Bloopers, yes, I am making fun of myself. Every author needs to do this once in a while. And this is also kinda a pseudo-apology for my insane brain writing a bad fan-fic. Enjoy.**

* * *

"Elphaba," Liiku said very slowly. "I'm Shade."

"WHAT THE OZ!" Elphaba screamed, throwing up her hands furiously towards the sky. Liiku jumped backwards, tripped over his feet, and landed flat on his skinny malnourished rump. "I demand to speak with the creator of this horrible fanfiction right now!"

Just then, as if by magic, and probably because since this is a fanfiction and anything (and I mean ANYTHING) can happen, Ichiko Wind Gryphon descended from the heavens in all her gryphon glory.

"Yes?" she asked, slightly annoyed. "Make it quick, I'm going to see The Offspring in a few hours."

"This fanfiction is absolutely disgraceful and I refuse to be a part of this anymore!" Elphaba yelled.

"Yeah, I mean, did you really have to turn me into a _dragon_? What, were you high or something?" Liiku interjected disapprovingly. He folded his arms over his chest and his bat-wings folded over his shoulders just like they do in Gargoyles. "This has got to be the stupidest fanfiction I've ever seen."

"I thought you got over your sick transformation fetish after you wrote Cursed Blood, but nooooo! You had to make your own Gary-Stu and turn him into something, didn't you?" Elphaba continued to rant.

"But-but Liiku isn't a Gary Stu!" Ichiko protested. "I mean, he's a total asshole!"

"Thanks," Liiku growled with a face-palm.

"But really! Was it necessary to turn him into something? Was it?"

"I . . . I . . . " Ichiko stuttered, but suddenly, in typical response to flame reviews, she collapsed to her knees and began to cry. "BWAAAHAHA! I can't help it! I mean, originally he was going to go to prison then there was going to be this huge emotional scene between you and him, then he goes to the gallows because he refuses to run away from his punishment, no matter how unjust, and then you would find the evidence you would need (collected by Liiku) to incriminate the Wizard, but WAAH! Curse my transformation obsessed mind! I had the sudden idea to turn him into a dragon and . . . and . . . yeah."

"Now I'm a giant black lizard! I hope you're happy!" Liiku cried.

"Hey, you were originally going to turn into a wolf, but we all know how cliche wolves are," Ichiko butted in.

Elphaba and Liiku stared at her stupidly. "LIKE A DRAGON IS THAT MUCH BETTER."

"And I was going to turn Fiyero into a dragon and there was going to be this epic dragon-fight," Ichiko went on, lost in her own TF-obsessed little world.

"IF YOU TURN ME INTO A DRAGON TOO I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU!" Fiyero shouted.

Elphaba and Liiku turned around. "How did you get here?" Elphaba asked him.

"It's a fanfiction, anything's possible," Fiyero said simply. Elphaba accepted this excuse without much question.

"No you're not going to turn into a dragon, don't worry," Ichiko said, rubbing her eyes. "But I guess I owe it to you, my lovely characters, and to you, my readers, for making such a ridiculous story," she continued sincerely. "I think it's safe to say this is the worst fanfic I've ever written."

"You really should go back and edit your stories," Chiron said, magically popping up in a fanfiction he has absolutely no right to be in. "You made me a total potty-mouth in Cursed Blood. Did you have to make me say the f-word every other word?"

"I was just trying to convey your intense anger," Ichiko said sheepishly.

"You can do that without dropping f-bombs all over the place," Chiron grumbled.

Liiku stared at Chiron. "Do I know you?"

"Yeah, I'm the son of Fiyero and Elphaba, and you and Fiyero were friends in the Great War," Chiron said.

"Bwuh?" Fiyero gaped. "I have a son?"

"In a different fanfic," Chiron said with a wave of his hands.

"Then what are you doing in this fanfic?" Elphaba asked his parallel-dimension son curiously.

"Oh, I'm just here to also bash on Ichiko's faults with her fanfics," he said smugly. "I mean, really, did she have to turn me into a gryphon?"

"HEY it was a very satired story to help explain your transformation from boy to man!" Ichiko protested. She then put on a wig and a monocle to help her look more philosophical. "It represents the inner struggles we all face and the way we deal with them!"

"Ok, fine, we'll let you off the hook, because it was actually an ok story, but you're no deeplyshallow!" Chiron pointed out.

"I'm working on it!" Ichiko whined.

"And why did you name me after a centaur?"

"Because his name is just so cool!" Ichiko squealed fangirlishly. "Chiron! Such a cool name!"

"Yeah, you can tell she's not exactly creative when it comes to names," Liiku muttered. "I mean, come on, Liiku is just Liir with the 'r' replaced with 'ku'. And also, Thropp + Tiggular = Thriggs. Sooooo creative."

"Don't mock me," Ichiko pouted. "I spend a lot of time on these stories and I do them to have fun! I mean, that's the point of fanfics, right? Just write and have fun with your stories!"

"Yeah, but there's a point where your stories just become ridiculous," Liiku said. "Like the point where you TURNED ME INTO A BLOODY DRAGON."

"I'm sorry, ok?" Ichiko yelled. "Stop yelling at me I know how ridiculous my stories can get!"

"I am also never forgiving you for killing off my dad in Cursed Blood, either," Chiron growled.

_"BWUH?" _Fiyero gasped. "I _died?"_

"Yep," Chiron growled.

"In all honesty I did that because I wasn't getting a lot of reviews, so I killed Fiyero off because I knew I'd get a ton of responses for that!" Ichiko giggled mischeviously.

"YOU REVIEW WHORE!" Elphaba and the rest of the fanfiction world screamed.

"Hey, it worked, didn't it?" Ichiko said defensively.

"You cold, cruel, evil, manipulative little poop!" all of my watchers/ regular reviewers screamed angrily. "How dare you play with our emotions just so you can get more reviews?"

Ichiko just stood there and made the troll-face.

"Well all this yelling isn't doing much, is it?" Liiku said. "I mean, we're pretty much stuck in this terrible fanfiction until the story's over. So when Ichiko finally does finish it, we can all move on and pretend it never happened."

"I concur," Elphaba said.

"And hopefully she will write a new and better story after this whole mess is over," Fiyero added hopefully.

"Oh, heavens no, I don't believe I will be writing anymore fanfics after 'Written in Red' is completed," Ichiko said smugly.

_**"BWUH?"**_ All of my readers and characters gasped.

"I'm working on a different story! And this one is a real story! One that I intend to publish!" Ichiko said happily.

"I . . . I don't believe it . . ." Elphaba gasped. "A real story? No fanfic whatsoever?" She sniffled ever-so-OOC-like. "Our authoress is growing up and working on bigger and better things!"

"What's your story about?" Liiku asked curiously.

"Ah-ah-ah! No spoilers here!" Ichiko said, wagging her finger in her OC's face. "Just hop on over to my fictionpress account and check out my story Delphi High!"

"You are such an attention-whore. You know that, right?" Chiron said.

"I know!" Ichiko said, smiling with her troll-face once again.

"What was the point of this long schpeal anyway?" Fiyero asked.

"Well we bashed Ichiko pretty good and she also got to insert a very shameful self-plug," Liiku said.

"Ah, all in a good day's work!" Ichiko said. "Now I'm off to go see The Offspring!" She then spread her wings wide (because Ichiko is a gryphon and can therefore fly. This is a fanfic, remember? Anything's possible) and flew away.

"No, seriously, what was the point?" Chiron asked.


End file.
